the tears..sob

a.

I cried..

Was feeling sooo terrified. Then I cursed and swore. And I lost control of my tear glands, or probably I never knew how to control them.

I dare not take a peep to look where exactly was I. I kept my eyes shut, but with shut eyes, tears were forced to be squeezed out.

I was in a panic mode. I lost my direction. Where to go?? I lost the ability and sense to decide which step I should take. I went bersek and no matter how much comfort and attention I was given, I still broke down. With every strength that is left in me, I gripped on, holding on.

WTF?! I cried?!?! So useless..................

If you are right now thinking I'm crying over a man, read the below:

Was feeling sooo terrified (of the helplessness). Then I cursed and swore (at Mr. Belayer). And I lost control of my tear glands, or probably I never knew how to control them.
I dare not take a peep to look where exactly was I. I kept my eyes shut (when I was near the peak), but with shut eyes, tears were forced to be squeezed out.

I was in a panic mode. I lost my direction (to continue go up or just down). Where to go?? I lost the ability and sense to decide which step I should take (the left or the right). I went bersek and no matter how much comfort and attention I was given (by Mr. Belayer and his friend), I still broke down. With every strength that is left in me, I gripped on (the hand holds, and shouting, "I very scared, how to go down??").

Yala, I meant indoor wall climbing.

At my first attempt, I went to three quarter and gave up and started screaming wanting to get down and refusing to just let go and let my Mr. Belayer to do his job by slacking the safety rope. I insisted to climb down, heh!!

At the second attempt of the different wall, I went right to the top at 7.5m. Thanks to Mr. Shoes Lender and Mr. Belayer. But again, very drama, at the peak, really at a loss how to get down!

The third attempt was the toughest one. The wall is angled at such a way that it drains your strength in a much shorter time (will find the exact term for this wall)! Spent the longest time up there struggling and having in-the-air-resting intervals.

And yea, my Mr. Belayer is sitting on a chair while ensuring my safety!! Correct!! How to feel safe when seeing him sitting down?!?! @$^%&%&^$%!! But then, Mr. Belayer has been VERY encouraging, not giving up on me even with every tears and sweat I dripped, and screamings I gave.

With such people around, Im glad!! Because they challange me to my limits! At times when "giving up" floods my mind, someone is there to spur me on, to enourage and motivate me! I'm thankful! Had it not be Mr. Belayer was there, I probably wouldnt have reached the peak nor even have the courage to try that tough wall, though not completed but, heck, its only my first attempt! And I was already more than three quarter there!!! I need to train more!

Now, I gave myself 3days to train my swimming and challenge him the week after next!
But I'm saying "No" to his challenge to the Biathlon! Haha.